From sky doc
Once upon a time when suicide was the slow shape
of a blue whale coming up to breathe
in a David Attenborough documentary
my mum in some happy at of resistance
asking us to dance to Pet Shop Boys
in the living room before school
we danced for two songs before
my dad stomped on the ceiling
Once upon a time when suicide was a cat called Oscar
who died for three weeks my sister
assembled a feast of things he had
never tasted I remember watching him
drink double cream for the first time
standing under the cherry tree
where we sprinkled Oscar’s ashes
was the first place I saw my dad cry
Once upon a time when suicide was a forest I planted
and instead of trees grew every person
I ever hurt packed into a school hall
on a Tuesday all of them wearing
colour-coded socks depending
on the degree of hurt I have caused
suicide asks on a scale of 1-1000
how sorry do I feel for myself
________________
Joe Carrick-Varty is a British-Irish poet, writer and founding editor of bath magg. His poems have appeared in the New Statesman,The Poetry Review, Poetry Ireland Review and Poetry London. He won an Eric Gregory Award in 2022. His debut collection, More Sky, is forthcoming with Carcanet in 2023.
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